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Rank: Advanced Member
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Joined: 11/26/2007
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Location: GB
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funny Jokes - read & addhi all I'm thinking to made a complete thread full of funny jokes. where we all share jokes (admin can you please make is sticky) ? here is the joke from my side Old Man and PoliceIn Cheshire a senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4convertible Out of the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. 'Amazing!' he thought as he flew down the M62, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. 'I can get away from him - no problem!' thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 110mph, then 120, then 130mph. Suddenly, he thought, 'What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!' So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him. Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I am taking the weekend off. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.' The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, 'Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back.' 'Have a good day, Sir,' said the policeman and walked off.
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Rank: Advanced Member
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Joined: 8/18/2008
Posts: 44
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Location: India
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funny Jokes - read & addOld Wife getting romantic
An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.
She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck. "Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going ?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"
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Rank: Advanced Member
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Joined: 5/29/2008
Posts: 47
Points: 141
Location: California
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funny Jokes - read & addWe Can't Do That
A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark,
"I'd like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London."
The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, we can't do that."
"Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that because that's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 3/31/2008
Posts: 113
Points: 339
Location: London
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funny Jokes - read & addGIRLS
There are many good things in life,
like cars, money, and weed.
But if you want something confusing,
a girl is all you need.
A girl doesn't say what she wants,
but you're somehow supposed to know.
If they want to do this or do that,
stay here, stay there, or just go.
Then there's the time, you all know what i mean,
that monthly little joy.
That lets them abuse the **Banned Word**out of you,
just for being a boy.
If you ever dare look at another girl,
they seem to scream, go on, and panic.
But watch how fast they ignore you,
at the sight of that **Banned Word**from Titanic.
They give you questions like "Am i fat?",
and "If you could go with one of my friends, who?".
There is no answer, face the facts,
you are definatly through.
They take nothing and blow it up,
and make a tremendous fuss.
So girls, no matter what you think,
you are just as hard to understand as us.
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 4/3/2008
Posts: 127
Points: 381
Location: Sheffield, UK
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funny Jokes - read & addMan's Logic
A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case.
The Problem was who should get custody of the child.
The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor.
The child Should be in my custody."
The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to Say in your defense?"
The man sat for a while contemplating. ..then slowly rose. "Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out...
Whose Pepsi is it... The machine's or mine?"
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Member
Joined: 4/3/2008
Posts: 127
Points: 381
Location: Sheffield, UK
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funny Jokes - read & addMen are always Honest
"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked..
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care
of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE ."
The m**Banned Word**of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.
That's our story, and we're sticking to it! - "WE ARE HONORABLE LIARS!!!!!!"
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Rank: Advanced Member
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Joined: 11/9/2007
Posts: 560
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Location: GB
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funny Jokes - read & addLets Discuss Nuclear Power
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger, "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet, a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The stranger thinks about it and says," Hmmm. I have no idea.
The little girl replies." Do you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power
when you don't know shit?"
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Rank: Newbie
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funny Jokes - read & addIs Windows a VirusNo, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do: 1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that. 2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that. 3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too. 4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too. 5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too. Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So Windows is not a virus. It's a bug.
Carpet Cleaning London
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Rank: Newbie
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funny Jokes - read & addLalu to Rabri: Agar tum batao ki iss bag ke andar kya hai, toh sare eggs tumare, agar tum batao kitne eggs toh 8 ke 8 tumare, aur agar tum bata do ke ande kiske hai toh woh murgi bhi tumari.
Rabri: Lalu Ji, koi hint toh do na plz?
Thanks,
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Rank: Newbie
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Location: karachi
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funny Jokes - read & addwow very very nice sharing of these jokes and i like them so much
bollywood movies
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